


Traces of Love

by hazelNuts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Mark of Cain, but kevin is alive, like one happy dysfunctional family, they're all living in the bunker together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:49:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3697988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelNuts/pseuds/hazelNuts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on <a href="http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/109885930850/imagine-person-a-lightly-tracing-i-love-you-over">this</a> prompt from <a href="http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/">otpprompts</a>.</p>
<p>They’ve been together for a year. Dean loves Cas and he knows Cas loves him. But it seems there really is a difference between knowing and <i>knowing</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Traces of Love

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really bad at tagging. If you think I forgot any, please let me know in the comments.

Dean loves this moment. Right before he falls asleep, snuggled up under the blankets, Cas’ fingers tracing constellations on his back. Not all nights are like this. Sometimes they fight and they lie at opposite sides of the bed, as far from each other as possible. Other nights, when one of them has had a bad day, or after a close call with a hunt, they lie tangled together, clinging to each other and not knowing where the one ends and the other begins.

He’s almost asleep  when he realizes that tonight feels different. Cas’ fingers draw their lines with more certainty, with more intent. Dean focusses on the shapes and realizes that they’re letters. He focusses a little harder.

O-U-I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U-I-L-O-V-E

It’s all Dean can do to keep his breathing even. They’ve been together for a year. Dean loves Cas and he knows Cas loves him. But it seems there really is a difference between knowing and _knowing_.

He should turn around, kiss his angel and tell him he loves him too. But he doesn’t. Even after a year, even when _knowing_ that Cas loves him, Dean is still scared.

The writing stops and Cas wraps his arm around Dean’s waist, pulling him to his chest. It doesn’t take long for the other man to fall asleep. Dean isn’t so lucky. Those three little words keep going through his mind, keeping him awake. _I love you I love you I love you_

~

It’s not like he’s intentionally avoiding Cas, but Dean can’t seem to stay in the same room as him for very long. And every time he leaves a room or moves away from his boyfriend’s touch, he wants to smack himself in the face. He wants to tell Cas that he loves him, wrap him in his arms, kiss him breathless, but he can’t make himself do it. Not even at night, when his angel traces those three words, those eight letters, on his back.

Sam is the first to notice. He asks Dean if everything’s alright the first afternoon of Dean’s discovery.

‘I’m fine,’ he sighs. After everything with the mark, he’s gotten tired of people asking him how he’s doing.

His brother holds up his hands in defence. ‘Okay, Dean. Just making sure.’

He doesn’t bring it up again, but Dean can see the looks Sam throws him sometimes. Charlie starts throwing him looks as well, but they’re more reproachful glares next to Sam’s questioning gaze. He’s glad that Kevin doesn’t really notice anything, because the prophet probably would’ve hit him over the head with one of the encyclopaedias.

Cas doesn’t notice until a couple days later. He, of course, thinks it’s his fault. Dean feels a stab of guilt as those blue eyes look at him in question.

‘Did I do something wrong, Dean? Did I miss some human clue?’

‘No, angel,’ Dean assures him and pecks him on the cheek. After which he all but runs to the kitchen.

He thinks he’s in the clear, but that night at dinner he can’t ignore the odd way his angel is looking at him. He doesn’t miss the hurt look in Cas’ eyes when he declines taking Baby out for a ride together, the next day. And when Cas stops and pulls away, before he’s done tracing the first _I love you_ on his back, Dean knows he needs a plan.

~

He doesn’t have a plan. He’s been trying to think of one for two days and he’s got nothing. He thought about asking Charlie for help, but he can’t even admit to Cas that he loves him. He can hardly admit to himself some days.

They’re lying in bed. There’s space between them. Dean doesn’t like it, so he pulls Cas closer, laying the man’s head on his shoulder.

‘Dean?’

‘Yeah?’

‘What’s going on?’

‘It’s-‘ Crap. He’d really hoped he would’ve grown a pair before Cas would ask him again. ‘I just need to figure something out. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Is it something about a hunt?’

‘No.’

He really hopes Cas is going to let it rest.

‘Is it about me?’ It’s so soft that Dean almost misses it.

‘Yes,’ he sighs. Cas stiffens in his arms. ‘It’s something good. I promise, angel. I just-‘

‘-need to figure something out.’

Dean smiles at the messy dark hair and places a kiss right on top of it. ‘Yeah.’

The other man relaxes again, nuzzling into Dean’s chest. One of his hands moves to Dean’s hip and starts tracing a now familiar pattern.

Dean feels a wave of relieve wash over him. They’re okay.

_I love you I love you I love you_ , he repeats in his head in time with Cas’ writing.

‘I love you, too,’ he whispers just as Cas has fallen asleep. Maybe tomorrow, he’ll be able to say it when he’s awake.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://fandom-madnessess.tumblr.com/).


End file.
